Hey, Loves!
This month I weighed-in at 159.8. I lost exactly 1 lb and lost 0.75 inches overall. I'M IN THE 150s! *Jumps for joy!*
I know one pound doesn't seem like much but I know how hard I worked for it so I'll take it happily! I worked my tail off at the gym this month and ate perfectly 90% (I allow myself a couple of cheat meals and sweet treats each month -- always have) of the time, especially the last couple of weeks. I even went ahead and did the very low carb thing again in a desperate attempt to lose more this month. I seriously think my body is telling me it's pretty much where it wants to be (hence me being stuck in the 160s for what seemed like forever). Even still, I've decided to make my final goal 150-155. I'll be happy anywhere between those numbers and will continue working hard and eating right to get there. I'm so close I can almost taste it! I pray that I only go down from here.
I talked with some friends and loved ones this month about my frustration with being stuck in the 160s for so long and they told me how great I look and to look how far I've come. Most of them tell me they also don't think I need to lose anymore weight. I love hearing that but also struggle with it because I look at myself in the mirror and still am not thrilled with what I see. Honestly, I don't know if that will ever change or if I have a self-image problem. Will I ever look in the mirror and be happy with what I see and think that I've lost enough? Don't get me wrong, I am SO thankful to God for getting me to where I am now. I just want to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see (and yes, I'm aware that my body will never be perfect). I mean, looking at old pictures of myself compared to me today, I am very happy but looking at much thinner girls with tight bodies makes me feel very insecure about my body. I know I shouldn't compare myself with others but sometimes it's hard not to. I'm human. However, with all of that said, I CHOOSE to be thankful for my body, imperfections and all. Like I've said before, I'm perfectly imperfect. :)
I haven't blogged about it yet (I will blog about it more when I make my surgery appointment) but skin is an issue. I have extra skin on my arms, thighs, stomach and backside. I went in for a consultation with the top plastic surgeon in Knoxville and he told me I am a great candidate for surgery and that he doesn't think that I need to lose anymore weight and, if I do, not to lose anymore than 5 or 10 lbs at the extreme most (which would put me at my goal weight of 150-155). He told me that I have a lot of muscle and that when all of the excess skin is gone that I will look great (minus the scars, of course) and that if I got much smaller, after the skin surgery, I would look too thin. I only have enough money right now for my arms and thighs to get done. The lower body lift costs more than the arms and thighs combined. It's not just a cosmetic thing for me; this skin really causes me issues and I want it gone. I don't know when I'll be able to afford the lower body lift but hopefully, Lord willing, one day in the not too distant future.
Thanks, as always, for all of your love, prayers and support.
Love,
